The NFL commissioner gave another rock star performance on Friday. PFT Commenter was there too.
All spelling errors are intentional (we think), and PFT Commenter is about telling not spelling. - Ed.
PHOENIX -- Today was the day that Commissoner Roger Goodell would be adressing the media and I wanted a chance to meet the man. Theres no denyng it- the commissoner has a rockstar persona wrapped up in the body of adonis and he was going to be speaking to a room jampacked with reporters. You could cut the takes with a knife. There were live TV desks set up in the corners of the room with a 4 person panel doing the pregame show for the commissoners speech like it was a NFC Championship game:
To get in to see Roger is basicaly like trying to get past security at any non-Gerald Ford presidental event. You had to have your bag thoroughley checked at the door every time you walk into a different building. I have had a bottle of mad dog on my person at all times and have made it through 12 securty checkpoints btw. Then you have to pass about 7 people in the halls and on the esclators checking your badges, then you had to get a TSA style securty wand and pat down before being allowed in the room with the commissoner. Matter fact I wouldnt be suprised if the Commish was packing heat behind the podium just in case a reporter got out of line and started asking prying questons. That would be considered attacking Goodells livlihood and possessons and Goodell would of been well within his rights to squeeze off a few clips indiscriminantly into the audience.
The room itself where they drag Goodells robot ass out is a wonderful ballroom with tremendous acoustics, and it seemed like they didnt even need a microphone for Goodells strong but soothing voice.
Quick idea for the NFL- in the future they should do this press conference like the state of the union and have Peter King sitting behind the Commissioner and standing up to applaud every time Goodell copmletes a sentence without straight-up admitting to a double homicide, and on his other side I dont know they can have like DeMaurice Smith changing his hats to different colors depending on how hard hes getting owned.
Roger n' me
But nevertheless the state of the NFL league year is strong. Concussons dont happen anymore and if they do its only because players arent doing headsup football, and the NFL is creating a Chief Medical Officer positon to be in charge of covering up the next medical issue the league will be ignoring. The only thing I didnt like is that Goodell said he was going to be pushing the competition committee to move the extra points back next year because kickers were getting to good. Maybe its the power thats gone to his head but punishing someone for being to good at their jobs sounds exactly like something Obama would do. Instead of punishing them for being to good maybe we should just make there jobs easier so it becomes even simpler for them to succeed- that would make things better.
Another main change for the league year is that there going to be rotating officiating crews from game to game over the course of a season- changing refs and umpires and BJs from crew-to-crew during the season because (and Im not making this up) consistency is our #1 priority. This kind of doublespeak is straight out of 1984 folks. The Seattle Seahawks have always been at war with the NFC West.
You have to hand it to Goodell. He gets things done quickley, no offense to Rick Pitinos sex life. Just 6 months ago the league was dealing with a black eye from the Ray Rice insident, and in the span of just half a year Goodell claims a victory in how the NFL has become a thought leader in the domesic violence space: "We've brought more awareness to the issues of domestic assault" which is kind of like Timothy McVeigh taking credit for enhanceing the publics awareness of fertilizer.
Another great highlight was when a play60 kid asked Goodell total;ly spontaneousley and without the direction of 4 league officials who escorted her up to the mic "Mr. Commissioner- how do YOU play 60?"
But Goodells PR strategy backfired.
Goodell said "I played 65 this morning on the elliptical." Lets get this straight- I think that if our the commissioner of football you should be embarrassed to be seen on a elliptical. You should be in the squat rack builiding up your quads and core. Working out for 65 minutes on a elliptical is so easy I bet Albert Haynesworth could do it while he was currently getting into a car accident. I bet you WWE commissioner Vince McMahon would straight up throw a bomb at a eliptical if he was ever in the same room as one. You cant expect your commissoner to make a big impact on the game if he trains in a low-impact fantasy land. Goodell needs to realisze that he cant help the safety of the players before he takes care of himself. Instead of hiring a Chief Medical Officer he should of hired himself a personal trainer. Only then can he help his players. But I guess thats the commish for you allways thinking of others.
So obvously the Goodells speech was a smash hit as he pointed out, everything is doing good in the NFL and nothing is bad and I take him at his word.
Over to Radio Row
I was feeling jacked up as hell after Goodells speech so I went downstares to radio row and Florio saw me coming and scooted out the back door like some chickenshit mobster when the made man walks in, but speaking of Italians who have made alot of money off idiots buying into repackaged horseshit look who I found:
Papa John was down there doing a intervew for his new deal where he shows up at your house uninvited to deliver a pizza and sweats black hair dye onto your crust for $17.99. He was being interevewed by a local channel and really the only question he was asked was "In this day and age of the food police telling you what you can and cant use how does papa johns even manage to get by?"
"Well" John said "thats never a problem with papa johns because we use good ingredients", but Im concerned about this food police situation and it bears keeping a eye on because it sounds dangerous and completeley real.
I walked around radio row for a while and saw Jared Allen wearing a cowboy hat because hes country strong and just a hoss. Then I swung by the CBS sportsdesk. I had a bone to pick with Pete Prisco since he basically called me a turkey last year in our intervew where he told me he was stronger then me.
Acording to Pete he can bench press 225 lbs 10 reps which is pretty good I guess if your a syphlitic castrada in victorian England but not for a NFL pundit. We started to argue over whose takes are stronger so I decided to settle it like any NFL writer- I challenged him to a pushup contest. He said no because he was scared, So I offerred him a comprimise. I would drink half my Mad dog and compete drunk aka "the John Riggins .08 minute abs workout." Pete still said no because he wanted to train over the summer and compete verse me in training camp. So let it be known that Pete Prisco is a chicken whose afraid of being bested by my takes and by my padlevel grit.
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